In college, I had a friend who would say with a straight face, "Love is philosophy." At the time, he was obsessed with Fullmetal Alchemist and would often overuse the word "truth." The first time I read the word "truth" in a polymer chemistry research paper, it was before his professor corrected it. He was well-built (about the size of Umibozu from City Hunter) and had a face like Narancia. He was also an extreme otaku. He wasn't the fashionable otaku we see today; his passion for the things he loved was such that he didn't care what others thought. For a long time, his clear file folder was a tattered Magic Circle Guru Guru. But he was popular. At the time, I found this incredibly mysterious. And I was envious. Taking inspiration from his personality and ignoring his famous quote about love being a philosophy, I would like to use psychology and ecology to unravel how even an otaku like me can find a partner.
Conditional Strategy
Preface
Psychology isn't omnipotent, and it's not always correct. However, if you're in a situation where you feel like you need to rely on God, I hope you'll find this article useful. If you think that's okay, I recommend reading it as a topic of conversation for tomorrow. Also, while I've written about psychology in general terms, there are many other specific fields, such as social, evolutionary, and cultural, that are interrelated and evolving. I'm a hardcore science major, specializing in polymer chemistry. I'm not an expert on ecology or psychology. I'm just a guy who loves academic papers and reads them in a variety of fields. So, please forgive me if I'm wrong.
Tactics for Assessing Mating Value
Mating value is the degree to which a person possesses desirable traits in the dating market. I believe my mating value is extremely low, meaning I'm not popular. So, rather than engaging in self-improvement activities to increase my own mating value, I decided to trace the path of how low-mating-value aquatic organisms have attempted to pass on their genes to the future. If I could increase my mating value, I wouldn't be crushed by Cell (an abbreviation for the extremely popular guy at matchmaking events; etymology: he quickly absorbs and lays eggs) and Cybaiman (a Cell's entourage; etymology: they sprout out of nowhere) at matchmaking events! This is because individuals believe that their behavior in romantic relationships is dependent on their mating value. In behavioral ecology, this is apparently called a conditional strategy.
Trajectory 1: Mate Value and Commitment Signaling
It appears that individuals with low mating value benefit from proactive commitment signaling. Simply put, this means approaching potential partners with an attitude that says, "I'm going to marry you, have children, and spend the rest of my life with you!" One of the defining characteristics of human reproduction is the long time and resources required from birth to sexual maturity. Therefore, in order to ensure the reliable transmission of genes from generation to generation, it seems important to choose a partner who is committed to providing exclusive parenting investment for themselves and their offspring until their children reach sexual maturity. (This discrepancy between one's feelings and those of another person, such as "I like that person, but they have high mate value, but they don't treat me well and I get the feeling they're not interested in marriage," is called a commitment problem, and it seems that this commitment problem is common among members of the opposite sex who are in relationships with people with high mate value.) For this reason, individuals try to choose a partner with whom they can build a long-term, exclusive cooperative relationship. The paper states that in a fluid romantic relationship market, the costs of not taking action and not being able to secure a partner are greater than the costs of taking these actions. The conclusion of the chapter states that for this reason, it is effective to have intimacy and passion, which are preparatory states for active commitment-signaling behavior. To put it very simply, rather than taking someone out to a nice meal or going around to stylish cafes, you should make it clear that you are responsible and want to spend your life with them! It's much better than doing nothing! Value the opposite sex more than popular guys! It won't work if you do the same things as popular guys!
Trajectory 2: Self-Disclosure
Literally, revealing your weaknesses that you would rather hide. While many online dating opportunities exist, some people seem to feel closer by proactively disclosing information that could be considered a weakness that they would otherwise be happy to hide from others, such as my obsessive Ghibli fandom. There are, of course, reasons for this. One is that self-disclosure itself poses a risk to oneself, and there is a possibility that others may exploit that weakness. However, this risk can be interpreted by the other person as a sign of animalistic trustworthiness.
Second, it can also be about finding common ground with the other person. According to Freud, who described romantic relationships as three stages of empathy,
Parent: Do you have similar values and beliefs about the world?
Child: Can you have fun together? Can you be relaxed and natural? Are you attracted to your partner? Can you enjoy traveling together?
Adult: Do you both consider each other to be intelligent? Can you work together to solve the problem?
I mentioned that love develops through these three stages. This self-disclosure has the potential to clear the parent stage. However, Japanese people are less tolerant of self-disclosure than Westerners. So, while self-disclosure is encouraged, you need to be careful not to go too far.
In the end
Just try your best and be sincere in appealing to the opposite sex! Just reveal yourself! That's what I learned. Papers sometimes involve significant distortions in order to reach a simple conclusion. And I realized that for me, the important thing is the previous stage... Nothing starts without the other person.
Finding a Real Partner
There's no point in getting all high-minded. The main reason most people aren't in love is probably because they don't have the opportunity to meet people. That's true for me! But I have low mate value. Even if I jumped completely naked into one of the mega-major sites that most people use, I doubt I would be able to find the partner I want. Rather than the dating sites that most people use, I would prefer a site that is somewhat closer to me. In this grateful world, perhaps because marriage and having children are becoming a minority trend, there are a variety of partner-finding sites and apps, from large ones aimed at the general public to more targeted ones. In this article, I would like to introduce some of these more targeted sites that I think would be good for people like me.
A marriage agency, matchmaking service, and dating service specializing in connecting men living in the countryside with women looking to move there [Country Marriage]
This is a little different from otaku, but it's aimed at people who only know each other in the countryside. In that situation... It seems there are women out there who are tired of the city and want to live in the countryside. This is for people who live in the countryside, or who want to live a relaxed life in the countryside in the future. I come from a rural area that's a bit of a shock, but it's a good place. The locals are tolerant and not too fussy about worldly things. And if you say the vegetables look delicious, they'll ask you if you want to try them. I recommend this to people in the same situation as me.
Purekon: A Marriage Agency, Matchmaking Service, and Partnership Service for Men and Women with Little Romantic Experience
This is a more straightforward statement. For both men and women, the word "pure" seems perfectly suited to this matchmaking service. Of course, I consider myself pure. Having little romantic experience is a form of self-disclosure, and joining this site has already fulfilled that requirement. Also, compared to other matchmaking sites and matching apps, this one even feels more accessible to beginners. In today's society of free and competitive love, I'm sure there are many people, both same-sex and opposite-sex, who share the same concerns as me.
Marriage agency, matchmaking, and dating service specializing in alcohol-loving men and women [Sakekon]
This site also focuses on one hobby. Since I love alcohol, it's a great site that suggests meeting someone for the first time at a place where alcohol is available. I only drink occasionally, but I'm introducing this site because I think people who like alcohol might want to drink with the opposite sex! While I think women who can drink are wonderful, I tend to get drunk quickly and fall asleep, so it's not really for me. However, talking with the opposite sex over a drink is interesting, and more than anything, I get to see their true selves more easily than when sober, and it seems like it's easier to hit it off.
Marriage agency, matchmaking, and matchmaking support service for anime, manga, and game lovers [Otakukon]
This is very clear. It's clearly saying, "This is for otaku only!" So, rather than feeling ashamed of your hobby, you might even find this specialized hobby to be divine. You could attend a cosplay event with your girlfriend, or maybe even find a girlfriend who's also an art otaku. Or maybe you'll find a girlfriend who will save you in FPS games. Am I the only one whose heart leaps with excitement at the thought? This is a site I highly recommend.
Hot topic! Torakon: A Matchmaking Service for Otakus
This is also a site specifically for otakus. I was surprised to find something like this existed, but it seems to have quite a few registered users. The word "compassionate" made me wonder if they looked down on otakus, so I looked into it, but it's actually very conscientious, and they have plans that truly support you. After all, it's always better to get help from someone who's skilled at everything. It's important to get help from someone else instead of trying to solve everything on your own.
[st-card id=34032]Finally
This may not be important, but if you're going to confess your feelings at night, it's best to do so as soon as possible after meeting (within three months). This is clearly stated in the literature. Whether you've read this article seriously or not, if you don't have a partner, I urge you to try the above site. Now, I'll explain why my friend who said "love is philosophy" was so popular. He was incredibly kind. In other words, he excelled at commitment signaling, even before romance, by listening to the worries of his juniors and taking care of them. Also, biologically, larger people seem to have higher mating value than smaller people, from an animal perspective. For humans, money and social status are important, but as students at the time, we all had the same things, so perhaps we judged each other in an animalistic way. I wish you all the best.
